#radish app

[maybankiara]

wattpad excluding fanfiction from the wattys is actually a joke. just don't give the winner money and give them a nice little sticker to put on their book. this is ridiculous

[radishleaf]

someone was kind enough to give me an invite, so psst, add me on blue sky if you have an account! https://bsky.app/profile/radishleaf.bsky.social

[theshitpostcalligrapher]

once again canon comes to bite me in the ass

I haven't changed the printing settings at all, this is SUPPOSED to be a photo printer, meaning it SHOULD be able to print on glossy sticker paper without problem, and when I first got the thing, it DID

but NOW

for some BIZARRE REASON

If the stickers have anything in pure black ink, the ink just. rubs off.

WHAT????

I've been able to fix this by hitting the stickers with a light painting-setting spray before I cut them out but honestly the sticker thing might be way more trouble than its worth, especially since I'm using the printer to do a handful of prints in-house now, so it's not like I'll be losing the use of a stupid expensive printer

I got a sticker cutter a while ago but I stopped using it once I realized that a) even going through silhouette's app the registration markers have to be oddly specific in order to cut ANYTHING accurately, and sometimes they don't work anyways and b) the sticky mat leaves really wretched residue on the backs of the stickers

so I've been cutting all these stickers by hand, making it even LESS appealing to keep them on the shop

for now the setting spray method seems to work so once I'm out of sticker paper I'll not be ordering more

for reference these are the stickers sold on the shop, we have

the shit post calligapher (misc)

the canadian deep cuts

and the fucked up daikon radishes

[sturnsbaebackup]

SHY - M. STURNIOLO (PART TWO)

i highly recommend reading part 1 first, which is linked here!

summary; after madi and nick set up their plan to make you and matt fall in love, you’re finally going over to their house to film for the first time… and the connection between you and matt only grows stronger

warnings: she/her pronouns used, mentions of gagging. purely fluff!!!

—

your car ride to the sturniolos apartment consists of nothing but a very happy madi in the passenger seat and severely shaky hands. so much that madi almost had to take your spot in the drivers seat a couple times because you haven’t been able to steer correctly.

when you arrive in the parking lot outside of their complex, you sit in the car for a minute to regain some control of your emotions. as deep breaths exit your nose, madi speaks up. “y/n, you’re going to be fine i promise. now can we go inside? i don’t want to keep them waiting any longer,” she begs. you exhale sharply, nodding your head as you grip the door handle.

before you can even realize it, you’re standing in front of their door as madi gently knocks on the door. you fully snap back into reality when you see matt’s face at the door, greeting you both with a big teethy grin. “hi guys! come on in!” he says, stepping aside for both you and madi.

their house isn’t necessarily the cleanest place you’ve ever seen, but you can tell that they put in somewhat of an effort to clean it for you guys. you smile at nick as he comes running to the door, pulling you into a tight hug. “y/n, hi! i’m so glad you came!” he smiles, making your heart swell with joy. even if you’re in shambles from your nerves, you’re still super joyous that you’ve been adapted into their lives so quickly.

“so before we start the video, we need to go to the grocery store. for some context, we’re doing a challenge where we all buy a few gross or weird foods of our choice, and line them up on the counter. we have an app that when you put a bunch of fingers on it, it randomly selects someone and whoever gets picked has to eat the next food item in the lineup,” nick explains.

“oh god, this sounds awful,” you groan, earning a laugh from a few people.

“this sounds fun y/n! lighten up,” matt teases, nudging your shoulder lightly as he does so. you blush a little and that pit from a few days ago immediately comes back.

“okay people we don’t have all the time in the world, so let’s go!” nick exclaims, pushing you and madi out the door. the five of you get into the car, driving to the closest grocery store. you all go in and make sure to separate so that you don’t spoil your items to one another. each person is supposed to buy 3 items so that the total will add up to 15 items. your items of choice are horse radish, sardines, and to be nice you decide to add unicorn pudding cups.

while you’re using the self checkout, you see chris appear in the line in your peripheral vision. you notice him trying to peak at your items, and you turn your head to him. “stop cheating chris!” you say sternly, making him roll his eyes.

“i wasn’t even looking at you y/n,” he lies, knowing damn well you both know he’s bluffing. you just chuckle to yourself and secretly place your items in your bag, making sure chris doesn’t see. eventually everyone finishes their quick shopping, and you all head back to the apartment to begin the video.

“hi guys! today we’re going to be playing disgusting food roulette, but we have a couple special guests with us! c’mere guys,” nick says, wrapping both his arms around you and madi to drag you both into frame.

“hi guys,” madi says softly with an awkward smile.

“and for those of you who don’t know who y/n is, she’s a great friend of madi’s, and one of our newest friends! her socials will be linked below, so go check out her stuff! she posts a lot on tiktok and instagram, so make sure to go follow her! you can expect to see her in a lot more videos,” nick says smiling at you. you smile back, truthfully unsure of what to say.

“yeah yeah okay we get it nick now stop kissing y/n’s ass and let’s reveal what foods we bought,” chris groans, making you flip him off.

“chris is just mad i caught him trying to look at my foods at self checkout,” you shrug. chris gasps and immediately throws his hands up in defense, “you’re just full of yourself! i was not looking at you,” he rolls his eyes playfully.

“okay chris, leave y/n alone,” matt chuckles, putting his bag of food on the counter. per usual, this sets off that feeling in your stomach once again, but not as bad as before. you’re starting to embrace the obvious feelings you have for matt, and you’re actually okay with that. once everyone reveals their items, it’s time to let the fun begin. “okay guys put your finger down on the phone screen! whoever’s finger gets the little white dot under it has to eat the food,” nick says as you all place your fingers on the phone screen.

the first couple of items on the counter aren’t very bad, but as you further along the line things start to get bad. unfortunately you get chosen to eat the horseradish. “clearly this is my karma for buying this,” you groan, hesitantly placing the spoon into the jar. you quickly shove it into your mouth and swallow, trying to forget about the fact you’re eating horseradish. the taste fills your throat and begins stinging your nostrils from the pungent smell. you start gagging a little, and everyone bursts out laughing.

“fuck oh my god! this is disgusting!” you say, leaning over onto the counter in disgust. you pray that you get the coconut water since it’s the next item, but unfortunately it goes to matt. he takes a sip and scrunches his face a little, and you groan at the gross taste in your mouth. nick and chris are arguing in the middle of the kitchen, while you and matt stand off in the corner. “do you want a sip of my coconut water?” he chuckles, and you accept it gratefully. even if it tastes nasty, you still drink a few big gulps to get the taste of your previous item out of your mouth.

eventually it gets to sriracha sauce, and you’re afraid of getting that as an item seeing as you don’t do good with spices. and of course with your luck, you do. “oh fuck me!” you groan, lifting the spoonful of it off of the counter. you take a deep breath before putting it in your mouth, groaning at the burning sensation on your tongue and lips. you have an overwhelming mix of different disgusting tastes and sensations in your mouth, making you fall to the ground out of disgust and discomfort. everyone laughs at your reaction, and matt lifts his hand out for you to take as a guide back on your feet.

thankfully along the way you get a few good items, but the next item is that stupid pepper chris bought. everyone is deathly afraid of getting it, but unfortunately matt is the one who gets chosen. “you’re joking, you’re actually fucking joking! i’ve gotten all of the worst items!” matt cries out while dragging his hands down his face.

“oh no poor matt,” madi laughs, and matt just groans. he takes a bite of the pepper, and immediately his eyes start watering. he falls to the floor and just curls into a ball while groaning in pain. you all let out a laugh, but after a few moments you guys start getting a bit concerned.

“matt are you okay?” nick asks. matt just looks up at everyone and pouts with little tears welling up in his eyes. you make a little frown at him while letting out a little chuckle. he gets to his feet and stumbles over towards you, pulling you into a hug. he isn’t necessarily thinking clearly, seeing as his mouth, throat, lips, and basically sinuses are all on fire. your eyes widen, but you hug him back gently. you let out a few chuckles, and nick hands him a glass of milk to try and subside the burning sensation in his mouth.

“i’m going to bed, goodnight everyone,” he sadly laughs, waking to his room. you all burst out laughing and end the video without matt.

“someone should go check on him, y/n can you go make sure he’s alive? we need to clean everything up,” nick asks while giving a look to madi. you roll your eyes at the two of them, “yeah sure,” you say in an annoyed tone. they’re making their plan so obvious that even chris is starting to pick up on it.

you softly knock on matt’s door and you hear a muffled voice telling you to come inside. you walk in and his room is surprisingly clean. the lights are off and he’s laying in his bed hugging a pillow, with the empty glass of milk on his bedside table. “i was tasked to come make sure you’re alive. you doing okay?” you ask.

“my mouth is on fire,” he groans and you laugh a little.

“do you want me to get you anything?”

“more milk, please,” he practically begs. you nod and take his empty cup to the kitchen. when you bring it back to him, he’s now sitting up in his bed with his phone in hand.

“fuck, thank you so much y/n,” he says before chugging the whole cup in under 5 seconds. you let out a giggle and he just smiles at you bashfully. he pats the end of his bed, signaling you to sit down on it. your heart rate begins to increase but you do as you’re told and sit down.

“y/n, i know we just met and this might seem a little quick… but i think you’re really pretty and sweet. i was wondering if you maybe wanted to grab food sometime? and i know it’s a little awkward since you just saw me crying from eating a pepper, but it’s the first time i’ve actually gotten the chance to ask you this,” he chuckles and you laugh at the end of his sentence.

“oh my gosh of course matt! i’d love to,” you blush, this time not even worried if he can see your cheeks turning pink. you both figure out a date and time, meanwhile madi chris and nick are all secretly standing outside the door listening in. you exit matt’s room and you see them not so slyly trying to pretend they weren’t listening.

“you guys suck, you know that?” you jokingly say, and they all just shrug.

“have fun at dinner with matt on saturday,” nick winks as you exit their apartment. you just roll your eyes with a smile, “yeah yeah whatever nick.”

[stardustdiiving]

Opened my voice memo app for the first time in a while and was greeted with a 10 & a half minute long voice recording titled “hat radish autism” from 6 months ago . Listening to it rn and appears to consist entirely of me talking at 100 mph for 10 straight minutes about my canon based analysis on how I think Wanderer & Nahida would experience specific symptoms of autism. OKAY. THANKS

[witchofthemoss]

On one hand, yes. On the other hand, if you find another fic to work on, nobody can stop you.

i. think i just finished the last chapter of tosw.

[she-karev]

Breakdown (Andrew DeLuca x Alex Karev’s Sister PTSD Imagine)

Previous Chapter Here

Age Rating: 18+

Chapters: Two of Two

Fandom: Grey’s Anatomy

Ship: Andrew DeLuca x Amber Karev (Alex Karev’s Sister)

Canon Episode: Season 17 Episode 10

TRIGGER WARNING: Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Panic Attack, Flashback, Depression

Mental Health Resources: https://www.ptsd.va.gov/, https://adaa.org/understanding-anxiety/posttraumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd/resources, https://www.nami.org/, https://www.aacap.org/, https://www.dbsalliance.org/, https://afsp.org/

AN: I do NOT enjoy hurting my characters, let me make that clear and I certainly don’t enjoy hurting my head canon ships but I write not just for entertainment but to also send a message. Realistically someone with Amber’s traumatic childhood, relationship problems, and anxiety can crumble one day when it becomes too much to bear. I wanted to show that even the strongest person can ask for help when they feel it’s too much to overcome alone. Like and reblog below and let me know what you think.

Summary: Amber Karev reaches a breaking point and confides in Andrew her dark thoughts. When he fails to get her to seek help he encourages her to talk to someone about her problems. She confides in her friend Jackson Avery her struggles who helps her see that there is no shame in admitting you need help. That night she and Andrew have a heartbreaking goodbye when she leaves to stay at her brother, Alex’s, while she takes time off work to go to therapy.

Words: 5852

May 18th, 2020

Amber quickly walks inside the pit where she sees Paul Wilkins lying in bed sleeping. She sees him alone with no nurse or resident on sight and decides to see what’s going on. She keeps a respectable distance from the large man before speaking to him.

“Mr. Wilkins?” The man wakes up and sits up looking at the young resident, “Hi I don’t know if you remember me I-”

“Your one of my doctors ain’t you?” Paul asks causing Amber to nod.

“Yes I’m Dr. Karev. Did a nurse follow up with you? Was there a resident to tell you what your results showed what caused the pain?”

“Nope, I’ve been here by myself about half an hour, nobody told me anything.”

Amber nods apologetically, “I’m sorry about that our staff is scrambled all over trying to keep things steady but that is no excuse.”

“Nah it’s fine doc.” Paul dismisses nonchalantly, “It ain’t like you don’t got an excuse. And I’m just a youngish man who gets takeout deliveries cause there isn’t anything else to pass the time. Did you get my results back?”

“We did.” Amber goes over the labs on her tablet, “Your labs show that your anemic, that means your iron deficient and it’s what caused your nausea. The good news is that this is very treatable with oral iron supplements, the bad news is your gonna have to say goodbye to greasy takeout food and opt for a homemade salad instead.”

Paul chuckles, “My wife is gonna be happy to hear that. Her job is on pause, and she took up making a rooftop vegetable garden. Answer me this, have you ever tried radish from a dirty pot on a rooftop?”

Amber grins amused, “No I have not.”

“We’ll you can thank the lord for that blessing.” Amber chuckles before writing down on her tablet.

“So, the nausea is under control, and you should make a full recovery and be discharged soon. We’ll give you a rapid test and if your positive your gonna have to quarantine in a private room for the next two weeks and call us if your symptoms worsen. I’m gonna send your pharmacy a prescription for oral Phenergan for the nausea and oral iron supplements to get your iron levels under control. Is there anyone you can call to pick you up and drive you home?”

“Yeah, my wife she’s home with our girls but uh…” Amber raises an eyebrow at that pause, “I don’t know how to zoom her. My girls help me and I don’t know how.”

Amber grins at that before opening the facetime app on her tablet and handing it to Paul, “You just put down your wife’s number in and if she answers she should pop up.”

Paul does as told and waits while the tablet rings before his wife answers and her face pops up at the other end, “Hi baby.”

“Paul!” His wife exclaims worried, “Oh my god I was so worried about you, are you okay?”

“I’m fine I just need to eat less burgers that’s all. My doctor here can explain, say hi to doc.” Paul turns the tablet to face Amber who waves at his wife.

“Hi Mrs. Wilkins, I’m Dr. Karev, I’m your husbands’ doctor. So, your husband is anemic, that’s what caused the nausea and pain. Now this is very treatable with oral iron supplements and a more rigid diet moving forward, do you think you can help make sure he follows?”

“Oh, I will even if I have to shove lettuce down his throat.”

Paul chuckles, “Yep that’s Janice for you, never takes no for an answer.”

“Daddy!” Amber sees two little girls grabbing the phone and facing the resident who blanches at the sight of her patient’s kids. Kid’s that she almost left without a father if Jackson hadn’t corrected her error to the nurse.

Paul doesn’t notice her skin paling under her PPE and instead faces the tablet with renewed energy, “Hey babies! Don’t worry, daddy’s coming home soon thanks to this nice doctor lady. Say thank you to the doctor.”

Paul turns the tablet with Amber facing the two adorable little girls who smile widely at her making her heart sting, “Thank you doctor!”

Amber swallows the lump in her throat before smiling at the children behind her mask, “Your very welcome.” Paul turns the tablet to face him and Amber clears her throat before speking calmly, “Um I just sent your prescription in, it should be ready tonight. A nurse will discharge you, I have to be somewhere, if you have any questions have a nurse page me.”

Paul nods to Amber’s relief as she walks away from the pit. She doesn’t know where she is going but she can’t be in the pit face to face with a patient she almost harmed. The N95 mask she is wearing feels like a stove in her face, and she registers her breathing is becoming increasingly erratic.

Amber feels relief when she sees an empty family room that she quickly enters and shuts the door behind her. The comfortable couch and armchair are barely registered in her brain that feels like it’s spinning inside her skull. The panicking resident rips her face shield off her face along with her N95. But the air in her hot face is not enough for her to breathe in through her nose or her mouth that is hyperventilating. She leans forward against a wall, pressing her forehead against her clasping fists trying to control her breathing.

“Calm down, Karev, calm down.” Amber recites to herself but her voice does little to make herself relax. Her chest feels like it’s being squeezed inside and once again her feet feel like their planted on the ground.

The overlapping sounds from nurses and doctors outside the room are becoming muffled like they’re slowly moving a thousand miles away. Instead of the usual hospital chatter and equipment being moved all her hears is a ringing in her ear that she registers as her breathing gets shorter isn’t a ringing at all, it’s a flatline tone.

April 1st 2020

Amber looks down at her patient Ian Talbert who is lying in bed waiting for the release of death that comes to men his age who contract covid. The young resident has never felt so helpless, so insignificant, less like a doctor and more as a witness of death.

The 64-year-old actuary just offered the depressed resident a parting gift, his deceased daughters army dog tags. At first, she refused out of respect but reluctantly took them at Ian’s insistence that there was no one else to take them from him. Hearing Ian say there was nobody in his life to keep him company in his last moments makes the youngest Karev take action even if it kills her emotionally. She holds his hand with the dog tags and sits down in the chair next to him.

“I’m here. I am not going anywhere.” Amber promises holding his hand as he tears up from her kindness.

“I don’t blame you.” Ian states to a guilty Amber who closes her tearful eyes and looks down in shame, “I’m gonna see my daughter. Do you believe that?”

Amber sniffles and looks back up at her friend with tears in her eyes still holding his weakening hand.

“I didn’t give it much thought until this happened.” Amber admits, “But yeah, I want to believe there’s something good for you after all this pain. I really want to believe it.”

Ian’s breathing gets shallower, and he lays in bed looking up at the ceiling waiting for the release of death. Amber is still by his side holding his hand making sure he is not alone, it’s the only thing she can do at a time like this.

“Everything I have…is yours.” Ian proclaims.

A few moments pass before Ian stops breathing and lays still in bed with his eyes wide open. Amber looks and sees the monitors flatline without the sound. She looks back at Ian and let’s go of his limping hand to close his eyes. Her lip quivers as her eyes fill with tears before she sobs by the bed, saddened by what the world has come to and how many good people it’s lost in the process.

Present

“Amber!” The familiar sound of Andrew causes her to gasp and open her eyes. No longer is she leaning against her fists, instead she is sitting on the floor with her back against the wall. She registers that her knees are drawn up to her chest and her hair is stinging in pain.

Amber realizes she was pulling her own hair and possibly rocking back and forth like a child while lost in the flashback. She also looks at her boyfriend in front of her who looks frightened out of his mind no doubt she looked like she was losing it, and the thought fills her with shame.

Amber swallows the lump in her throat before asking, “What happened?”

“You went white, you were pulling your hair, and you were hyperventilating.” His voice is strained as if seeing her in that state broke his heart, “And when I touched you, you screamed.”

“I…what?” Amber feels her throat sore and realizes he is right as she speaks raspy, “Damn it…who heard?”

“It doesn’t matter.” Andrew dismisses needing to focus on the main issue, “Amber I have tried to be patient and back off like you wanted because every time I even ask you if you’re okay you lash out, but I can’t stand idly by not anymore. You need to see a therapist, right now as soon as possible.”

Amber shakes her head on autopilot, “No I’m f-

“You’re not fine.” Andrew insists sternly, “You had a full-on flashback, you weren’t here you were somewhere else, and I know it wasn’t the first time today. The nurses said they saw you stare off into space at the pit. That is not a symptom of a person who is fine you and I both know that.”

“Andrew, I don’t want to talk about this!” Amber exclaims in frustration before standing up and keeping a distance between them, “What part of that don’t you understand? I don’t want to talk, I don’t want to talk to some stranger about my fucked-up life, I don’t want to be another crazy person in my family like my mom!”

Andrew closes his eyes at that realizing this goes deeper than burnout as Amber keeps denying what is wrong, “I am trying to move on and rise on my own time in my own way. And yeah, maybe I missed some sleep, and my mind takes me to the worst moments of my life but guess what, not all of us can get stabbed and walk away five minutes later like nothing happened. We’re all not that lucky!”

Andrew widens his eyes at that low blow his girlfriend achieved. He would feel angry five months ago except back then he didn’t lash out at the woman he loves when he was having a mental breakdown. It was this moment he realized how hopeless Amber felt then and that knowledge makes his guilt grow even more and makes him more determined to persist like she did and help her like she tried to help him.

“…I’m not lucky Amber.” Andrew starts calmly, “A lucky person wouldn’t get stabbed, a lucky person wouldn’t drive the love of his life away, a lucky person wouldn't inherit his estranged father’s mental illness. I am far from the luckiest guy alive, and I was traumatized after what happened. I spent the first two weeks after my surgery waking up from nightmares and looked over my shoulder afraid someone was gonna come and finish the job. I was a freaking mess and the reason you don’t know this was because I didn’t want to burden you so soon after you miraculously decided to give us another chance.”

Amber stands there frozen with a remorseful face as Andrew continues with a strained voice, “I didn’t want to trigger you again and lose you again because I love you. And the reason I was so perfect in your book was because I had myself invested in my mental health by then. I take my meds; I go to therapy, and it helps me process what happened to me and move forward. I am trying to help you do the same because…because I can’t watch you ignore what is wrong like I did with my father I can’t. Just talk to me please. Just tell me what’s going on. I’m here for you okay? I want to help.”

Amber sniffles at this confession. A part of her wants to tell him…but a nagging feeling in her brain is reminding her of every fight they had when he was manic. It is playing the time he told her she would end up like her abusive father. It is playing the time he compared her to her neglectful mother. It played the weeks he ghosted her after his public breakdown. All of these horrible memories make her feel like she’s swimming in a blackhole before she coldly responds.

“You can’t help Andrew.” Amber replies numbly, “Nobody can help because you can’t fix me any better than when I tried to fix you. You hurt me and you lashed out at me and nothing I did got through to you so why do you think now would be any different?”

“Amber I’m trying to help.” Andrew pleads but it falls on deaf ears.

“You want to help me?” Andrew sees the hurt in her eyes as her voice is low and shaky, “Make the pandemic go away, make it so my mom actually got better when I needed her, make it so my brother didn’t inherit this illness. Make it so everyone I love in my life didn’t go crazy and hurt me in every way possible. Can you do that?!”

Andrew frowns at this inquiry that makes him silent with melancholy, “Yeah that’s what I thought. You can’t make this better because nothing ever gets better. Not the world, not the hospital, not our patients, not me. Everything is falling apart, and everyone is dying, and nobody knows how to fix it.”

Andrew stands there silent for a moment as he processes her depressing statement that is plaguing everyone. But he sees this isn’t just burnout or even depression, this is Amber falling apart after so many years of bottling up her pain. He knows he alone can’t help her…but he knows she needs someone to turn to even if it’s not him and wants to encourage her to do so.

He nods with a hard line on his face, “Your right I can’t fix the world and everything that is wrong with your life…but that doesn’t mean you have to let this helplessness and hopelessness take hold of you and never let go. I almost let it and if it wasn’t for Carina, Bailey and Webber I would be in the same place you are right now. Unwilling to help myself because the truth is too scary to face. I was lucky to have people that didn’t give up on me. And you have that too even if this thing your feeling can’t let you see it.”

Amber looks at Andrew with tear glistened eyes, “If you don’t want to talk to me that’s fine, I know after everything I put you through, I am the last person you feel safe to be vulnerable with. But please talk to someone else, someone you feel safe with, like Alex or Jackson who were there for you when I wasn’t. Talk to them before it eats you alive.”

Amber stands there for a moment looking broken beyond repair at this insistence. Even when she tries to push him away he is still trying to help her at her lowest. This gesture would melt her heart…except now her heart feels like it’s not working. It feels like everything inside of her is dying, it feels like all of the pain and misery has made her feel everything and nothing. Unable to bear him seeing this, Amber quickly leaves the room.

She walks toward the pit looking to work to escape this feeling, to escape all that is wrong. Except something stops her dead in her tracks just as she enters the mostly empty ER. Paul Wilkins is still in bed, except this time his wife is by his side. They are both talking and keeping their distance but the love between them is clear to the resident.

It’s clear to her that this scene in front of her wouldn’t be happening. It’s clear to her that Paul could be dead because his doctor prescribed him medication, she forgot he was allergic to because she was tired and stressed.

It’s clear that if her friend hadn’t been checking on her and correcting her little mistakes that almost culminated in a massive one, she would be fired or worse. It’s clear to her that Andrew was right about her needing to talk to someone before she lets this despair, she’s experiencing kill one of her patients. It’s clear she needs to talk to someone before it’s too late.

Later

Jackson looks out the window of the attendings lounge lost in thought as the pitter patter of rain falls from the dark sky. It seems like fitting weather for the day he’s had. First, he tried to talk to Amber about her obvious mental decline and then he had to work with a mother and daughter suffering from covid who both had to be put on a vent when ventilators were in shortage now.

Luckily his and Maggie’s quick thinking were able to convert one vent into a double tubing that can be used for both of them at the same time. It is a solution that can help trauma patients and covid patients use desperately needed vents without fear of a shortage.

However, his sorrow is still present as he has one problem remaining with his best friend who left to work despite what transpired with Paul Wilkins. It’s a problem that has him seriously contemplating on reporting her to Bailey and forcing her to get help or get fired. This decision is stalled by the door being burst open and slammed shut. Jackson turns to find Amber entering the room looking more disheveled than when she left him.

Amber is gripping the table chair by the top looking down at her feet with a struggle on her face that worries Jackson. It’s a look he’s never seen on her, it’s a look of distress that has never been shown in this confident and collected resident, until today. Jackson moves to face Amber across the table sitting down in the chair six feet away from her. He keeps a neutral face that he hopes allows her to feel safe enough to finally admit she needs help.

Amber sniffles and looks up to face Jackson with tear glistened eyes before speaking in a small voice, “Ask me again.”

Jackson furrows his eyebrows confused that Amber catches causing her to elaborate, “Ask me what I saw…when I was blacking out before I prescribed Mr. Wilkins the Zofran. Ask me what caused me to forget vital patient information.”

“…What did you see before you prescribed Mr. Wilkins the Zofran?”

Amber swallows and takes a moment before responding in a raspy voice, “A nurse was playing a song, Complicated by Avril Lavigne. It triggered me I think and my mind took me somewhere else, somewhere that felt like I was living a memory all over again. I was nine years old; I was listening to that song and then…and then my mom came bursting in off her meds again. She thought there was an intruder, and she was threatening to kill them. I instantly knew she was gonna attack me because it was just me there but the damn schizophrenia would make her see a monster instead of her own daughter. Her illness would kill me, and she wouldn’t even know it until after.”

Jackson looks at her in sympathy while she continues with tears streaming down her eyes sniffling, “I grabbed the phone and hid in the closet like Alex and Aaron told me to do when mom has an episode. I hid in the closet and called Aaron, he heard mom screaming so he said he would be there as fast as he could and to keep quiet and keep hiding so I did…I hid in that closet for half an hour, listening to my mom’s screams and rants that got worse when she started throwing stuff around. I didn’t move, I didn’t make a peep because I was afraid if I so much as breathed out loud Helen would know, and I would be at her mercy without my brothers there to protect me. So I stayed still, I stayed quiet and ever since that day when I hear that song…I am reminded of that awful moment in that closet. But today was the first time I ever had a flashback like that, and do you want to know what the worst part of it is?” Jackson shakes his head listening attentively as his friend shares her struggles with him, “These past few months I felt like that scared little girl in the closet again.”

Amber gasps a breath before grabbing a napkin from the kitchenette to wipe her eyes before explaining to Jackson facing the sink instead of him, “Growing up in that house, in my family…I felt helpless and weak. I put on this tough front like I can handle anything, but it was just that, a front. I didn’t want anyone to see that I was scared, scared of my mom and her crazy and then again with Aaron. You spend a part of your childhood in and out of foster care you learn to close off a part of yourself to survive. I have done that all of my life; I fought tooth and nail to survive…but I always felt like nothing I did mattered. And that feeling…it’s gotten worse since the day we learned we were in a pandemic.”

Jackson stands up with a solemn expression standing six feet next to Amber so she can know he’s still there. He always knew Amber was tough but seeing her breakdown and admit underneath it all is a scared girl has him feeling bad for her as she needed help for so long, but nobody has given it to her or even saw that she needed it.

Amber wipes her tears with the napkin, “Do you know why I became a doctor? I wanted to use the part of my brain that was healthy, the part of that was strong and decisive, the part that my mother’s illness wouldn’t touch. I wanted to feel like I was in control, like I mattered but now…” Amber shudders unable to finish.

Jackson can tell where she was going and finishes for her, “Now it feels like the career you choose to escape your hell from is just another one taking you back to your childhood.”

Amber whimpers as she nods confirming his theory causing her to blow her nose on the napkin before continuing, “I thought it was something I could get used to, something I could fight against until it ended. It’s why I’m working so hard till I’m bone tired, because it’s the only thing I know how to do in a crisis…but then I made a mistake that almost killed someone. I almost became the kind of doctor Andrew’s dad was the night he killed four patients…I almost became the kind of doctor that killed my father. The only difference is that unlike my father that man would have been missed by his family and I would have been the reason that wife lost her loving husband and why those kids lost their great dad. He could have died and not because of a virus I couldn’t control but because of something I could. He could have died because I was too weak to do the job I was entrusted with.”

“Amber look at me, look at me.” Amber sniffles and turns to face him and she grips the sink, “You are not weak, you are the least weak person I know. Mr. Wilkins could have died because of the Zofran you prescribed yes but he didn’t. He didn’t because you have people who could see you are understandably crumbling at all this death and illness surrounding us. And you realized your mistake, you remembered what the paramedics told you and you ran like hell to stop it. Shane Ross refused to sleep and talk to anyone about his problems. He didn’t help himself and it caused him to hallucinate and take your father in for a botched surgery that caused organ failure. Webber had to physically tell him what was happening right in front of him to get him to step down. He went down a rabbit hole and pushed everyone away and alienated anyone who tried to reach out. He refused to acknowledge what was wrong and stop himself from burning out and hurting patients in the process, that is the difference between the two of you. You stopped and you took a breath and came here to talk to someone who could help. I’ve learned from my nature walks that sometimes the best thing to do is to just stand still and let your feelings and your pain be known to you so you can know what is causing it to begin with.”

Amber presses her lips together as his words hit her and cause more tears to form in her eyes, “You stopped and stood still before you could go down the same path as Ross and Vincenzo DeLuca and have everything you worked hard to gain be taken away from you because you didn’t admit you weren’t okay. You did the hardest thing a person can do and that is not weakness. You are working in a hospital during a pandemic, and it can cause anyone to feel dejected and it’s especially hard for a person like you who knows the feeling of helplessness too well. What you are doing right now, admitting the problem in front of you after a lifetime of keeping your guard up, is not weakness, it is an act of incredible strength. And I don’t think I’ve ever been more proud of you than at this very moment.”

Amber shakes her head at that and replies numb, “I don’t feel strong.”

Jackson nods understanding that and decides to get to the next step Amber needs to take, “Don’t worry, you only have to be strong enough to do one more thing.”

Amber sniffles knowing the words that need to come out, it takes all her strength the muster the three words she has never said in her life, “…I need help.”

Amber exhales after saying these words feeling like a weight is being listed off her shoulders. She begins to sob at this admission of needing professional help knowing this will not be an easy journey but it’s one she must take in order to feel like her best self once again.

That Night

Andrew opens the door to his apartment feeling the need to shower and sleep as soon as he comes in. He exhales in exhaustion from work and his relationship. He hasn’t seen Amber since she walked out after refusing to talk to him. DeLuca doesn’t know where Amber is and hopes she took his advice and talked to someone about her struggles.

He enters the living room where he pauses at a shocking sight. He sees Amber sitting on the couch looking up at him sadly with two of her suitcases by her side packed. Andrew would normally think this is Amber leaving Andrew out of disdain for his insistence that she seek therapy. But seeing the sorrowful look on her face tells him a different story, it tells him this isn’t being done out of anger but out of seeking help for herself like he wanted.

Andrew moves to sit on the couch next to Amber and waits until she’s comfortable enough to speak to him, “…I’m not okay. I thought I was but I’m not okay. I know how to push through the pain and try to ignore it but…it’s too much death to ignore and it’s breaking me down. It feels like everything around me is just a constant reminder that I’m not good enough and I just feel helpless all over again. I felt helpless and weak growing up and I worked so hard to be strong and successful but now…now it’s like it was all for nothing, like I am nothing and it’s not going away.”

Andrew sighs at this holding her hand to let her know he is not going anywhere again, “It’s not going away and I…I know it’s gonna take a lot more than just surviving to get through it. I know I need to rest and actually face this thing and treat it like it’s a disease before I let it consume me. This thing…it’s been there since I was a kid and it’s gotten worse since March. It’s gotten worse to the point where I prescribed Zofran to a patient a paramedic told me he was allergic to. I almost let my trauma kill a man, if it wasn’t for Jackson, I would never forgive myself. And if it wasn’t for Jackson, I wouldn’t admit what you two saw before me. I need help. And that’s why I can’t stay here while I do. This apartment…it’s filled with horrible memories of one of the many times I felt like I was unworthy of love and felt like everyone I loved went crazy because I was in the same room as them.”

Amber sniffles and wipes a tear away causing Andrew anguish as he knows he caused her to feel that way along with her mom and brother. It causes him to have tears glisten in his eyes feeling responsible for hurting the woman he loves.

Amber faces him with a red rimmed eyes, “I know you didn’t mean it, I know it was the illness that caused you to act like that. All of this isn’t your fault, you were just a very tiny part of my long torturous life that piled on my psyche until this point.”

“But I was still a part of it.” Andrew says out of shame and regret, “I’m sorry, I wish I was a person to mend your pain instead of causing it. I want to be that person.”

“You were.” Amber admits truthfully, “You still are I just…I love you so much and right now I need some space for a little bit to figure out how to fix myself by myself. I need to do that otherwise I’m gonna rely on you or my family or my friends to feel better and that can’t be an option for me right now with everything going on. I need to figure out how to not feel like I’m dying inside.”

Andrew nods understanding this more than anyone as he has been there before and hopes Amber can heal like he’s trying to, “I’m gonna go to my brothers for a few weeks. It’s a safe place I think will be perfect for me while I take time off to sort myself out”

Andrew nods holding her hand tighter, “I know how hard this is, believe me and I wish I could say it’s gonna be easy but it’s not. It’s gonna be hard in the beginning but eventually you’re gonna finally move past your reluctance and whatever it is that’s making you feel like you are less important than you actually are. Trust me when I say, it’s gonna get better and I’ll be right here to help and right here when you get back. I promise, I’m not gonna stop loving you when you get help. I promise you I am not leaving this time, I’m here for good, I swear.”

Amber feels slightly better at that story looking at Andrew with love, “I know that. I love you too I just…I need space from you and everything else so I can focus on myself and get better. I need to stop fighting and just stand still. I need to do that for myself, I need to help myself.”

Andrew nods understanding her need to get her priorities straight like he did. He sees a little of the smart, strong and resilient woman he fell in love with right now even if she doesn’t. He leans forward and kisses her gently.

She reciprocates this kiss with a tear down her cheek as their lips touch. Amber touches the back of his neck bringing him closer as they stop kissing and instead lean against each other’s foreheads closing their eyes as they take in this last moment between them before Amber goes.

Andrew doesn’t feel sad but rather relief that the woman he loves is taking the time to heal and hopefully come back to him better like he did when his friends and family made him see that it was okay to admit your not okay.

He makes this known to Amber caressing her cheek and looking into her tearful eyes, “Your gonna be okay, I know it. I love you so much.”

“I love you.” Amber whispers back giving him another tender kiss before standing up and grabbing her suitcase with Andrew carrying the other. They walk out of the apartment to Amber’s car where they load the bags into the trunk before getting inside.

Amber is in the passenger seat with Andrew behind the wheel. Before he starts the engine, he looks over to find Amber looking down at her hands twiddling with her fingers. Andrew can tell she is scared to start this chapter just like he was when his sister drove him to the treatment center.

He looks at his girlfriend in sympathy and holds her shaking hands as a gesture of comfort. She appreciates this as she holds his hand with both of hers that shake less. Amber takes a moment to close her eyes and concentrate on her breathing.

She inhales and exhales slowly a few times before opening her eyes and looking at Andrew still holding his hand. Amber sniffles before nodding to let him know she’s okay. He nods back, giving her hands one good squeeze before letting go to start the car. Andrew begins to drive down the road with Amber looking out the window watching the landscape pass as she lets her breath out and closes her eyes to rest before she reaches her destination.

[aelemercier]

New Smut App

My feelings are still mixed about Radish, mostly because all their tags are so overrun with trashy het romance that it's hard to find The Gay Shit(TM). But the coins system lets you basically read for free if you watch some ads.

It's positioned as being great for bite-sized reading - commute, read on the can, in line at the bank or whatever.

Anyway - I've got three stories ongoing up there currently if anyone wants to check out the platform and throw me some coins haha. SAMPLE: https://radishfiction.com/writers/13945

[princess4eva2024]

❤️‍🔥"thє ѕtσnє вrσthєrѕ"❤️‍🔥

➡️ thíѕ ѕtσrч íѕ αvαílαвlє fσr σur rєαdíng plєαѕurє víα σnє σf mч αll tímє fαv ѕtσríєѕ αppѕ currєntlч αvαílαвlє víα thє αpp ѕtσrє tσ gєt ínѕtαllєd σn чαllѕ 📱íphσnєѕ📱/

📱ípαdѕ📱! juѕt tαp σn thє link í hαvє prσvídєd αвσvє (αt thє вєgínníng σf mч pσѕt) tσ gєt tαkєn dírєctlч tσ rαdíѕhfíctíσn σffícíαl wєвѕítє αnd frσm thєír wєвѕítє чαll wíll find σut hσw чαll cαn gєt thє rαdíѕh αpp ínѕtαllєd σn чαllѕ íphσnєѕ ѕσ juѕt tαp σn thє link thαt íѕ prσvídєd fσr ínѕtαllαtíσn σf thєír αpp αnd gєt tαkєn dírєctlч íntσ thє αpp ѕtσrє whєrє чαll wíll ѕєє thє rαdíѕh αpp αnd вє αвlє tσ rєαd mσrє αвσut thє αpp pluѕ чαll wíll ѕєє thαt αll вluє ínѕtαll ícσn αnd tαp σn it tσ gєt it ínѕtαllєd! if чσu lσvє вσσkѕ líkє mє thαn чαll wíll lσvє thíѕ αpp!

[murfeelee]

MDZS INSP Set Pt1

This is the very first batch of uploads from my TS3 gameplay inspired by Mo Dao Zu Shi / The Untamed!

EA Books Default Replacement

First up is yet another EA Book Default Replacement, this time using Chinese & Japanese themed book textures. Browse here & here for the swatches/in-game pics. The list of replacements is under the cut.

File Dump Part 1

This file dump includes 18 Buy Mode objects:

EA Chinese Tomb Chest as Toy Chest (basegame)

Silfantasy Chinese Sword as Hoverboard (ITF EP)

Tera Bag as Bag of Understanding (WA EP)

Radish as Edible Morsel (WA EP)

Emperor's Smile as Drinkable UNI EP Alcohol (Arsil Custom Beverages mod + UNI EP REQ)

TS4 to TS3 Jennisims Lotus Seed Pod as Edible Morsel (WA EP)

TS2 to TS3 Jizaikagi Irori Edit as Firepit PLAIN

TeeSangBoy Chinese Couch Redone as Decor Bedframe

TS2 to TS3 Asian Ornate End Table

TeeSangBoy Coffee Table TINY

EA Zen Bath Stool Emptied as Coffee Table

TS2 to TS3 Bamboo Copse

Bamboo Wall Stickers

MTCakestore Chinese Books (Stackable)

ShinoKCR Couch Cushion as Scroll Bundle (Stackable)

TS4 to TS3 Chinese Decor Man 1, 2, 3

Pinwheel ACCs

This miniset includes 3 CAS objects:

ATS3 Pinwheel as ACC for Kids, Toddlers & Adults

And that's that for now!

Enjoy, and Happy Lunar New Year 2023! 🐇🐰

Download folder (zip files): Mediafire | SimFileShare

Descriptions & pics under the cut:

EA Books Default Replacement

There are A LOT of books in TS3, so I tried to match Chinese & Japanese books to TS3′s particular genres:

Athletic & Sports: Armor, Book of 5 Rings (Musashi Miyamoto) | PhysEd & Military: Art of War (Sun Tzu) | Martial Arts: Daoist exercise chart | Riding: Yabusame scroll

Charisma 1-3: Genji no Kokagami (Murasaki Shikibu)

Cooking: Lvl 1 (52 Sick Prescriptions), Lvl 2 (Materia Dietetica), Lvl 3 (Herbal Food + Materia Dietetica)

Fishing 1-3: Materia Medica fish & reptiles (Bencao Gangmu)

Gardening: Lvl 1 (E-hon (Utagawa Hiroshige)), Lvl 2 (Court Records of Japanese Gardens), Lvl 3 (Compendium of Model Gardens (Tsukiyama & Yokei))

Generic: Butler (Book of Rites) | China (WA EP) () | Generic 1-3 (Analects (Confucius))

Handy 1-3: Scroll of Mudras

Kids: Children/Toddler Pictures & Comics (UNI EP) (Journey to the West) | Toddler Fun (Japanese Folk Toys) | Toddler Numbers (CHN/JPN numbers) | Toddler Words (Hiragana chart)

Learning: Non-fiction (Nihon Shoki) | AcadTech/Sci (Chinese alchemy) | Math (Third order equation (Shu shu jiu zhang) | Science (Chinese alchemy, ) | AcadFineArts (Analects) | AcadComm (Shuowen Jiezi) | Social (Genji no Kokagami (Murasaki Shikibu)) | Medical/Prenatal (Chinese Pharmacopoeia) | Historical (Book of Documents)

Logic: Lvl 1 (Analects (Confucius)), Lvl 2 (Book of Documents), Lvl 3 () | Poetry (Book of Songs) | AcadBusiness (Art of War (Sun Tzu))

Magic/Spellcraft (SN EP): Lvl 1 (Iching), Lvl 2 (Onmyodo (Abe no Seimei)), Lvl 3 (Iching hexagram)

Masterpiece (Book of Songs) | Photography/Street Art (E-hon (Utagawa Hiroshige))

Music: Lvl 1 (Qinxue Congshu), Lvl 2 (Qinxue Rumen), Lvl 3 (Book of Songs)

Recipe: Lvl 1 (52 Sick Prescriptions), Lvl 2 (Materia Dietetica), Lvl 3 (Herbal Food + Materia Dietetica)

Recreation: English (Bushido (Inazo Notobe)) | Fiction (Tamamo-no-mae (Katsushika Hokusai)) | Fantasy/Humor/Horror (Kyōsai Hyakki Gadan (Kawanabe Kyōsai)) | Biography (Heike Monogatari) | Romance (Genji no Kokagami) | Drama () | SciFi (Kaguya) | Mystery (Gazu Hyakki Yagyō (Toriyama Sekien))

Y'all can scroll through most of the replacements/swatches here & here.

File Dump Part 1

EA Chinese Tomb Chest as Toy Chest (basegame)

Silfantasy Chinese Sword as Hoverboard (ITF EP)

Tera Bag as Bag of Understanding (WA EP), recolorable, found under Misc Decor IIRC.

Radish as Edible Morsel (WA EP), recolorable; found under Misc Appliances & Plants.

TS4 to TS3 Jennisims Lotus Seed Pod as Edible Morsel (WA EP), recolorable; found under Misc Appliances & Plants.

Emperor's Smile as Drinkable UNI EP Alcohol (Arsil Custom Beverages mod + UNI EP REQ), recolorable; found under Misc Appliances.

TS2 to TS3 Jizaikagi Irori Edit as Firepit PLAIN is yet another version of my two Jizaikagi Irori (here & here), this time without the hanging rack/shelf.

TeeSangBoy Chinese Couch Redone as Decor Bedframe, to be used with functional mattresses (I used these by Sketchbookpixels).

TS2 to TS3 Asian Ornate End Table, TSB Coffee Table TINY, EA Zen Bath Stool Emptied as Coffee Table all recolorable & self explanatory.

TS2 to TS3 Bamboo Copse recolorable, found under Plants & Lawn Deco. Bamboo Wall Stickers recolorable, under Wall Art.

MTCakestore Chinese Books (Stackable) & ShinoKCR Couch Cushion as Scroll Bundle (Stackable) under Misc Deco, fully recolorable.

TS4 to TS3 Chinese Decor Man 1, 2, 3 non-recolorable, but includes rainbow of color variations. Found under Sculptures.

ATS3 Pinwheels as ACCs

Recolorable, unisex for toddlers, children, and teen-elders. Found under Bracelets.

And that's that for now!

Enjoy, and Happy Lunar New Year 2023! 🐇🐰

Download folder (zip files): Mediafire | SimFileShare

[sleepycoffins-and-benhargreeves]

Me: I'm just gonna window shop today

App: the radish glass dildo you've been eyeing is finally in stock! And there's only one left!

Me: ...

Me: proceed to buy a bulk of the dildos and vibrators I've been meaning to buy all for the sake of the pink radish glass dildo

Me: okay, I spent 1k php and I hate myself

[ofmermaidstories]

Hello mermsie! Forever and ever ago you brought up a rejected mates fic idea and at the time I was like 👀 but hadn't read any... well this last week I read like three and a half rejected mates books so now I'm all 👀👀👀!!! So - if you were gonna write a rejected mates fic, what reason would the boys have for rejecting a reader? I can see bakugo doing it out of stubborn pride pre-character development but I wanna know what you think!

Also I know the One True Soulmate thing makes you bitey so if you want an interesting subversion of the trope, may I recommend Tangle of Need by Nalini Singh? The psy-changeling series is one of my all-time favorites, I've listened to the audiobooks a dozen times each while working in the studio. My favorite book in the series is a tie between Shards of Hope and Silver Silence.

Love, 💎

did you enjoy the ones you read, gemmy? i couldn’t rec any, bc i was reading mine through tiktok LMAO whoops. 💀 luv that app. 🩷 but as for how i’d write one… idk! 🧐 i’m too much of a sook—i couldn’t write anything where bakugou or deku or whoever else rejects us, LOL. that would be their first and only chance with us, the fic would immediately devolve into a different pairing from there on out LMAO. like, bakugou rejects us because he’s a fucking wanker, and then reader runs away to a small rural town and ends up washing radishes for a living and ends up falling in love with like, shoji or something. someone kind and patient, who’s overcome his own hurt. 🥺 NOT deku bc he is basically an extension of kacchan, the fucking traitor. 🔪 die die die. 🔪

i’m sorry gemmy. 💀 you’re asking out of genuine interest and i’m like “REJECT US? NO! 🔪” LOL. u were right about bitey. 😭 i’m possessive. 😭 ur my person forever, or one of us dies. 😙 easy peasy.

i think if was doing it in a proper attempt though, and not just going with my “immediately deviating off-course into a different pairing” idea, i guessss i’d try to subvert the trope by making our Reader be the one to reject the love interest? but my concerns with that would be: is it stripping what people enjoy out of said trope, and am i doing the subversion for the right reasons? like, subverting tropes or cliches only works if you love and respect the original recipe, and as someone who’s never been particularly interested in soulmate-and-related tropes, i would wanna afford it the same dignity and earnestness that a mega-fan would.

like, idk if this is your experience with reading them, you’ll have to chime in gem-anon, but like, to me rejected-mates type stories are about the high-octane angst and drama (being roughly and cruelly shunted to the side, regardless of the MC’s genuine feelings) and then the grovelling (the way the Love Interest comes crawling back, begging forgiveness for their mistake and thus showering our poor mistreated MC with non-stop love and affection). so i think my question would be, could you deliver that in a different package (Reader being the one to do the Rejecting TM)? is it even possible? 🧐 like, why would Reader be rejecting them in the first place (fear, i guess? 🧐 of what? them? what being fated-mates would mean? is there an inherent loss of personal freedom involved in that (like, is Reader free to pursue their interests still, like schooling, even if it meant having to move away from ur Mate for a few years?), or is Reader just like, paranoid, LOL)? what’s the appeal? like, where is the fantasy fulfilment if it’s Reader pushing the guy away??? i guesssss off the top of my head, i’d say it’d be like: oh, the fantasy here is even though you have thrown a wall up between u (the rejection of ur magical bond), ur would-be boyfie would relentlessly still try to prove that he wants to be there, that he wants to stick around, that he will wait and that he considers u something precious to wait for. 🥺 which i think is fun, LOL, but it’s like: does it work as a point of difference to the melodrama of the original trope? 🥺😭

‘cause like, you’re right gemmy—pre-development bakugou would be good for the trope in it’s original packaging. 😩 unfortunately, LOL. tbh im kind of sitting here like, why do i like him again….. LOL dsflkjsdklfjdslkf. hmmmm. 🧐 if we strictly had to write this trope, as-is, then i guess i’d probably employ a “doing it for your protection” type trope/reasoning. 😩 and then there’s a bit of miscommunication, bc Reader is like, understandably hurt (although tbh if had to rework how the soulmates thing worked, in this AU, i would make rejection instantly painful LMFAO. bam, now Reader’s disabled for most of the fic thanks to fantasy-sad-heartbreak disease. which actually hm… could be interesting. 🧐 living with illness that wipes you out and makes day-to-day living is hard enough as it is, without having that be inflicted on us by someone who is, ostensibly, meant to not hurt us 🥺).

idk idk!!! i guess what im saying is that we could probably go one of several ways, if we were trying to introduce a rejected-mates fic into the WIP pile. 🥹 i think it would just depend on what the others here would like—expect and want out of it!!! 🥺 what would you want out of it, gemmy? what would you wanna see? 🥺

(p.s., i added the three titles you rec’d to my library wishlist—i have a series to try and speed through first (i’ve been so bad with reading this past month 💀) but then i will borrow them out, unless you recommend reading the series chronologically??? 🥺)

[linaket]

I keep seeing hopeful things about the revival of web serial writing after Dracula Daily took off and I really, really, really want to be on board with these. I mean, I wrote a thesis about this exact subject in 2013. I love serial writing. I REALLY DO. I actively chose to write my main story as a serial and not in a more "traditional" manner.

But you see, the problem is this: The sharks are already in the water, and the web serial industry has become toxic. If it ever wasn't.

I don't mean people using Substack or individuals at all. What I mean is that it's an entire industry already that, in the past several years, has kind of gone from bad to worst.

There is a general idea that web serial writing isn't as good as traditional publishing. Yeah, there's so much of it out there. There are a lot of people getting their start writing this way. But that doesn't mean that's the only people out here, even if there are a LOT of them.

However, it does mean there are a lot of hopeful writers just ripe to be taken advantage of.

The problem in the last few years has actually come from media conglomerates snapping up platforms left and right. Many of these are coming out of overseas markets, because web serials are HUGE there and have already proven to be profitable. Naver, which owns WEBTOON, also now owns Wattpad [link] Kakao acquired three platforms in the last year: Tapas, Wuxiaworld, and Radish. [link]

Webnovel is under Tencent. Here's a fun article about that.

and from that article:

Cultivating native writers

The huge success of a handful of Chinese stories has been great for the platforms, but also unpredictable and hard to replicate. Within China, the industry isn't just built on that. It's also about the thousands of B-list or amateur authors constantly pumping out new works to keep readers on the platforms.

To recreate that overseas, Chinese platforms have begun to cultivate non-Chinese writers. And the platforms have plenty of experience from the two decades of competing within China.

Emphasis mine.

These companies are predatory at best. Webnovel has a notoriously hellish contract. Authors are paid pennies and expected to "pump out" content, and those writers have to produce 500-1k words at least 5 times a week or be in breach of contract.

The kicker? Most don't retain the IP for their work, let alone moral rights.

While we often cite "to become a better writer, you must write," there is a point where the stress of the constant churn doesn't allow a writer to grow.

I've had friends get cut out of revenue shares for their work because, technically, it is considered contract work. You were paid what you were paid, and whatever profits come from that go to the company. Often this is done on a second season, or slipped into an amended contract.

Check the fine print on any of the contests. Most include something about entries only being able to be posted on that platform (see even The Wattys) which, understandable, but exclusivity is a low gate. It doesn't seem like a big deal until you're trapped behind it and at the mercy of whatever platform is holding your work.

And these larger companies often release massive waves of censorship.

Recently on Tapas, novels (and comics!) were shadowbanned from the app if they had the word "kiss" in the title. This was just weeks ago. If you search "kiss" on the Tapas app, the main way that the audience accesses the site, literally nothing comes up. Have a tweet about it:

[link]

It's the newest wave of censors that have been placed on the platform... and the platform has issued no statement on this. What other words are banned? Who knows? Well, omega is another one. But no one was told that. It's been a lot of trial and error among members of the community to find out if anyone can even find their stories anymore.

In the last few years, many of the more experienced authors I've met and highly respected on platforms just... left.

Does this mean that serial writing is dead in the water? Of course not.

I really, really hope not.

But if anyone out there is interested in taking that route, there's some pretty basic advice that everyone has heard:

read the TOC of a platform thoroughly before posting.

do not rely on a platform alone to share your work. you never know when something might happen, and suddenly your work will be unavailable. (this is one of the reasons that I run from exclusivity.)

plan to build your own audience, in your own way. Most platforms already have a niche, and that is what they are going to push more than anything.

understand that marketing is on you, just like any other kind of self-publishing route.

if your interested in becoming a "premium" author for the sites, read your contracts COMPLETELY. Even and especially renewals.

be wary if anything seems to good to be true when it comes to these large platforms. it probably is.

My experience, like everyone's, is obviously limited. I understand that. Personally? I loved platforms, and building communities on them with other writers, but I am finding it difficult to trust my work on them anymore.

I'm trying to figure out my own way now. I'm not sure what that's going to look like, but I'm trying to think of something. Because I haven't given up. I can't. I committed to writing my story as a series, and I'll finish it as such, because it is what is right for that story.

Let me know if you've got any ideas.

[spacenutspod]

At any given time, crew members are conducting dozens of scientific investigations and technology demonstrations on the International Space Station. If you’re curious about this work, the Space Station Research Xplorer (SSRX) mobile application provides information on these experiments, special facilities on the station, research benefits, and published results. The app includes summaries of each investigation along with photos, videos, interactive media, and additional reference links. Screenshot from the Space Station Research Xplorer (SSRX) mobile app Other sections include: Facilities – brief descriptions of research facilities browsable by research category, with images and information on sponsoring agency and organization, research manager, results publications, and media links when available. Benefits – information on how the research benefits space exploration and people on Earth, with sections offering more in-depth understanding of the types of benefits, access to the latest ISS Benefits for Humanity publication, and relevant videos and audio podcasts. Results – listings of peer-reviewed scientific publications in which papers related to station research appeared in a given fiscal year and summaries of recent and especially compelling findings that advance science, technology, and education, as well as promote the commercialization of space and benefit humankind. This section also provides access to the latest Annual Highlights of Results publication. LabTour – exploration of the interior of the station’s Columbus, Kibo, and Destiny modules, including tapping on any of the research racks to learn more information and an experiment description when available. Media – a variety of imagery, videos, fact sheets, and social media posts on space station research. Links – related space station research and technology demonstration opportunities, mobile apps, web landing pages, podcasts, social media, images, videos, educational resources, and more. The SSRX app is updated each month and available for iPhone, iPad, and Android platforms. The app is even available to the astronauts currently in space. Download the Space Station Research Xplorer (SSRX) mobile app from: Apple   Google Play NASA also offers apps that provide interactive experiences with two major areas of space station research: plant growth and human health. Screenshot from the NASA Science Investigations: Plant Growth app On the NASA Science Investigations: Plant Growth app, your task as the newest member of the crew is to familiarize yourself with the interior of the station, which is the size of a five-bedroom house and contains a wide variety of equipment and tools. Once you are ready, help with a plant growth experiment, conducting tasks such as watering, trimming, and analyzing plant growth. Future missions need the ability to grow plants in space to provide fresh food for crew members and to contribute to life support systems, and the space station has hosted multiple experiments working toward this goal. Researchers have grown lettuces, Chinese cabbage, mustard greens, kale, tomatoes, radishes, and chile peppers on orbit. Now it’s your turn! Download the NASA Science Investigations: Plant Growth mobile app from: App Store Google Play Screenshot from the NASA Science Investigations: Humans in Space app Your job on the NASA Science Investigations: Humans in Space app is to follow instructions provided and make sure the H-II Transfer Vehicle is successfully berthed to the station. This uncrewed spacecraft from JAXA (Japan Aerospace Exploration Agency) is one of several that make regular visits from Earth, bringing supplies, scientific experiments, and treats for the crew such as fresh fruit. You perform this task while experiencing the effects of microgravity, including adjusting to being nearly weightless, the lack of references such as up or down, and tools that float away. Download the NASA Science Investigations: Humans in Space mobile app from: App Store   Google Play Keep Exploring Discover More Topics Opportunities and Information for Researchers Latest News from Space Station Research Station Benefits for Humanity Biological & Physical Science Stories

[scalamore]

Social FYI post: Kakaopage

So I see on various social media spaces the immense hatred of KKP lately, because their anti-piracy task force, P.cok is going around and throwing DMCAs at scanlation and translation groups. There's been more anger towards them lately because every time a series is axed or unexpectedly cancelled, western readers have a tendency to blame everything on kakaopage.

So this is an information post!

Misinformation: KKP axes series Answer: The publisher axes series Kakaopage is an online distributor, not a publisher (although they do have some shares/involvement in some series) and are for the most part, an online platform to share content. They're a platform that allows anyone, from novices to big publishing houses to post their content in an easy and accessible way. Other such platforms include Naver or Ridi.

To give an example, Kakaopage is like Amazon, or Barnes and Nobles (USA bookstore), or even wattpad. They host a ton of stuff, but don't necessarily own it. Back in 2017, it was reported that for all content sold, the revenue is shared between Google Play (30 %), Kakao (20 %), and the publisher (50 %). The publisher then distributes those profits to the manhwa teams.

As part of their agreements with various publishers, the p.cok anti-piracy task force was created to stop piracy and illegal distribution. Their intent is purely to keep things to the official sources, to make sure the publishers (like DAON, D&C, Carrotoon etc) get paid to pass on to the manhwa teams.

As such, over the past few years, Kakaopage has invested tremendously in legal ways to read their stories in various countries:

Korea

China (Podo, Lehzin)

USA or "english speaking countries" (Tapas, Tappytoon, Radish, Webtoon, manta etc)

Indonesia (KKP indonesia)

Japan (Piccoma)

Thailand

Tappy France

Tappy Germany

etc Misinformation: Kakaopage doesn't care about your language/country Answer: Slight truth, but the more accurate answer is "the publishers don't care about your language/country" As one might notice, this isn't a very comprehensive list of countries. That's the point. Kakaopage and the Korean publishers don't care about their readers in low-readership countries (or continents) like South America, Africa, the middle east, India, Vietnam, or the Phillipines. Because simply, it's too much to invest in countries/languages that won't have high enough readership. So they focus on the "richer" countries to invest in, with translations and localization. They literally do not care about readers not in their list of localization/countries, as these readers would not pay for their services in the first place. Capitalist societies do not want their products out there for free, and that's what piracy is - people reading for free when they could be paying to support the original authors. Misinformation: Supporting officially is expensive!! Answer: Not really When you break it down, not really. on the KKP app, if you want to rent a chapter for 72 hrs, it's 200 coins. If you want to permanently buy a chapter "collect", it's 500 coins. 5000 coins = $4 on the app store 10000 coins = $9 on the app store, etc. Basically, if you want to collect a chapter, with the lowest tier = 5000 coins = 10 chapters = $4 ----> 25 cents per chapter. If you purchase on Tappytoon, I believe it comes out to about 35 cents per chapter If you purchase on Tapas, I heard it's around 30-40 cents per chapter? back to KKP: Now, as each chapter is 25 cents, imagine how that's distributed: 12.5 cents to the publisher, and 5 cents to KKP to host it. For each YM chapter purchased on KKP, which costs a reader 25 cents, DAON Entertainment gets 12.5 cents to split amongst Hayeonnim, Hyeyongnim, and the other staff. Yikes. For a 100 chapter series --> $25 to read it on kakaopage --> $12.5 goes to DAON to distribute to the manhwa team. That's not much per person. If we're lucky to get a physical release, I believe it's about $10 USD for 12 chapters for the YM physicals in KR. For Villains are Destined to Die, or Stepmothers Marchen, who have physical ENG releases, someone told me it's about $15 for 6-8 chapters (needs verification) Back to the webtoons: imagine, 100 people read 100 chapters on aggregate sites instead of one of the official routes: Hayeonnim and Hyeyongnim have already lost $1,250 in royalties/income from the series. from bato alone i see a chapter can have about 55K views. I'm not sure how to translate "views" to "readers", so lets arbitrarily say each chapter is read by 10,000 people internationally who for whatever reason, don't read officially. So 10,000 readers x 100 chapters at 0.12 cents each = loss of $125,000 of income for the manhwa teams for a series with 3 seasons released. Bottom line is, if you can support and want to support, it would be a good idea to. No one's forcing you to, but think of your favorite authors and artists ---!

Sources: https://www.techinasia.com/kakaotalk-launches-kakaopage-digital-content-marketplace

[wolframxlee]

Hello everyone, it’s Lemon! New to tumblr so don’t have a pretty design yet but posting my intro for my boy, Wolfram, a second year astronomy major with sonic scream! I’m always open to DMs on here or on discord so just DM to swap usernames and read more below if you’d like! My time zone is GMT-4 but I have an odd schedule a lot of the time so it’s a bit loose!

Name: Wolfram Lee

Age: 25

Birthday: July 7th

Astrology: Triple Cancer

Occupation: Astronomy major, part-timer

Sexuality: Pansexual

Pronouns: He/him

Temperament: Sanguine

Style: Punk-goth, crop tops, harnesses, ripped jeans, boots, sweatshirts, cropped sweaters,

Hair colors: Varies; usually orange, brown, blonde or blue

Health related: ADHD, hypermobile

Emotion level: Sensitive crybaby

+: Outgoing, agile, generous

=: Curious, carefree, excitable

-: Loud, stubborn, curious

Faceclaim: Bang Christopher Chan

Likes: most food, sweet teas, dancing, music, parties, swimming, cooking, Pokémon and baby animals

Dislikes: sudden loud noises, radishes

Aesthethics: Lovecore, heartcore, cottagecore, curly cows and warm earth tones

Languages: Korean, English, Korean Sign Language, Australian Sign Language, bit of French

Anomaly: Sonic Scream

Anomaly details:

Wolfram can emit an extremely powerful high—or low pitch of vibration that can be focused into energy if he screams or raises his voice. Wolfram can shatter objects, break surfaces and propel people backwards or off balance. The scream can shatter eardrums if used violently but is not otherwise deadly even when used with force, though prolonged use may result in headaches and nausea for everyone involved!!

On Nullivi: He can speak, has an accent, and feels very odd about it because he can be loud and incredibly awkward, prone to rambling.

Limitations:

Wolfram can change the pitch of the scream but not the damage done: this means that he cannot speak, sing, laugh for example, without repercussions.

Wolfram can only cover a few yards at most. Due to the physiology of his anatomy, his voice will always produce a pitch of above a soft tone (laughing loudly, singing, speaking, etc but not coughing or whistling.)

Wolfram must have good aim or risk shattering someone else’s eardrums, or his own if the sound bounces off something unsuspecting.

Must have good balance so he doesn’t fling himself over.

Personality:

Wolfram is an extrovert: despite being shy because of his quiet voice and anomaly, he thrives on being around others and socializing, partying and playing around and exploring new places. He is adventurous and athletic but cannot play sports in large groups due to the nature of his anomaly. He uses sign language or a notes app on his phone if he doesn’t want to risk speaking but can also whisper or speak in a low tone to avoid hurting others’ ears. He has a thick accent and so does his Voice AI. Wolfram was homeschooled for a good portion of his life so he can be a little awkward. He tends to run on the laid back side and is sensitive but will probably physically defend himself before using his Scream as a last resort.